James Is Not That Boy
by infynitistars
Summary: This story is of what 16 year old James goes through while watching Lily and her first boyfriend. Oneshot. This is NOT a songfic, but it is based off of a song. The song is called I'm Not That Girl from the musical Wicked.


**Disclaimer:** I don't own the world of Harry Potter (sadly) nor the song for which this based. It's unfortunate that I own neither. I would be very excited if I did. Life would basically be amazing if I own one or both. I don't, though.

**A/N:** Now, as the disclaimer states, this is based off an amazing song. Okay, the disclaimer doesn't say it is amazing, but it is. I would make this a songfic, but…there are…complications with that, I suppose. You see the song it is based off of is "I'm Not That Girl" from the musical Wicked. This fic is from James' point of view, so I think you see the difficulty with this. It would be a bit awkward, seeing as James is more certainly NOT a girl. I will post the song at the bottom of this fic in order to get the point across, but it will not be part of this fic.

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**James Is Not That Boy:**

I watch as he grabs her hand and she turns to look at him, glowing with happiness. The two stand facing each other. They stay this way for several minutes, just smiling and gently swinging their arms out to the side. The couple, as painful to say as that is, doesn't need to talk. Staring into each other's eyes is enough. Passion passes between them with this simple act, her heart pounding along with his.

Lily is nothing short of giddy in his presence. I can see it in her eyes, the blush she wears so beautifully, the radiant smile on her face. All of the features that I love only made more exquisite by the girl to whom they belong. Lily Evans is the one for me. I am not the one for her, though.

You can't really get too far ahead of things. I figured out Lily was meant for me last year. However, I can't lose myself. Letting myself forget who I am just to remember what it felt like the first time I saw Lily smile, to remember her grace last and this year at Christmas during the ball, to see her in my mind, laughing with her friends. To do this even to remember the passion on her face when she was angry with me. She was meant for me. I know that. Lily Evans knows that I love her, she must, but she doesn't love me.

Making up fantasies about what my future with Lily would be like takes up a lot of my time. At night, during the day, in the morning, I dream of a large house with a beautiful garden that Lily and the kids and I would care for on the weekends, as family time. With our oldest son, I would assemble a swing set for his siblings and himself. Upon returning home, Lily would come out of our library, where she would be teaching our children our mutual love of books, to greet me with a warm smile and an equally warm kiss. My sons would be Quidditch prodigies after I taught them everything I knew. All of our children would be very intelligent and beautiful. I imagine them with mostly my looks, but some of Lily's features, like her entrancing green orbs and maybe her nose. But, when I am shaken back to reality, I see that pretending a future such as this exists is folly. I also realize that it causes me to hurt more when I see Lily with him.

She grins at him and sticks her tongue out as she begins to lithely dodge him in their newly erupted game of tag. He smirks when he catches her, this charming character that has won the affection of Lily. Everyone finds him captivating with his slightly curly, tan hair that reaches down just past his ears. His hair is always neat, too. That is the one she chose. God knows I am nothing like him.

Some advice: Don't start hoping for something that is entirely unlikely. It will just hurt you. The pain is unbearable and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. No one deserves to have their heart ripped out and slashed in such a manner. It is not my fault that I am not charismatic in the same way he is. It is not my nature. Charming, I am, but he has this hold on Lily that I will never have.

You see there's this guy. Lily loves him. This guy? I'm not him.

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**A/N:** I'm sorry if that was horribly depressing. It is a bit angst ridden, but we all know that it ends up well eventually. It's too bad. All of the fanfictions I base off of songs seem to be that way. It's sad…Haha. Well, I would love a review, but at the very least tell ALL of your friends about this and maybe check out my other stories. I just realized that I have yet to post the lyrics. If I were mean, I would just make you look up the song name and stick the word "lyrics" after it, but I am not mean. I will take it upon myself to provide you with the lyrics:

**Lyrics:**

Hands touch, eyes meet  
Sudden silence, sudden heat  
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl  
He could be that boy  
But I'm not that girl:

Don't dream too far  
Don't lose sight of who you are  
Don't remember that rush of joy  
He could be that boy  
I'm not that girl

Ev'ry so often we long to steal  
To the land of what-might-have-been  
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel  
When reality sets back in

Blithe smile, lithe limb  
She who's winsome, she wins him  
Gold hair with a gentle curl  
That's the girl he chose  
And Heaven knows  
I'm not that girl:

Don't wish, don't start  
Wishing only wounds the heart  
I wasn't born for the rose and the pearl  
There's a girl I know  
He loves her so  
I'm not that girl


End file.
